Clueless 2
Clueless: The Messy Middle
A Nashville Nights: Take Two Bonus Story
Taz and Grace got their happily-ever-after.
Or so they thought.
When a friendship crosses lines neither of them saw coming, trust is shattered and the future they've built together is suddenly at risk.
Now they must decide if love is enough to survive betrayal—or if some mistakes leave scars that never fully heal.
A bonus story for readers who wanted one more glimpse into Taz and Grace's life after Clueless.
Author's Note
Thank you for reading this special Messy Middle story.
One of the questions I'm asked most often is:
"What happens after happily-ever-after?"
The truth is, real relationships don't end when the last page turns.
Life keeps happening.
New challenges appear.
Old wounds resurface.
And sometimes the people we love still find ways to break our hearts.
The Messy Middle stories are my chance to revisit some of my favorite couples and explore the moments that happen after the happily-ever-after.
I hope you enjoy spending a little more time with Taz and Grace.
Happy reading,
Cheryl Douglas
USA Today Bestselling Author
Chapter One
Taz
“Joni is in love with you.”
I chuckled, until I looked up and saw my wife’s expression. She wasn’t joking. In fact, she looked wrecked, like she’d been crying.
What the hell?
“Gracie…” My heart was beating faster when I reached for her and she pulled away. “What the hell are you talking about? Joni’s a songwriting partner, a friend, that’s it.”
She looked me in the eye and I could tell she was slipping into therapist mode, trying to detach. I hated that. It usually meant I’d done something to really piss her off.
She crossed her arms and glared at me. “Marisa told Codie, and of course, my sister told me.”
Marisa was my stylist and friend. Joni’s stylist too. Holy shit. What was happening? No way could she have told Marisa—
“Baby…” I tried curling my hands around her biceps, but she wouldn’t let me touch her.
Now I was in full-blown panic mode. Grace and my daughter, Quinn, were my whole world.
I started pacing the kitchen, trying to burn off the surge of adrenaline flooding my system.
I hadn’t done anything. So why did it feel like I was one wrong word away from blowing up my life?
“I’m sure Joni was just kidding if she said that to Marisa.”
She had to be kidding. If she wasn’t…I didn’t even want to think about what that could mean.
“She wasn’t kidding, Taz. I’ve talked to Joni myself.”
“And she told you—what—that she’s in love with me?”
“Yes.” She cleared her throat, folded her arms. Refused to let the damn tears in her eyes fall. “She said she didn’t mean for it to happen. But you guys had been spending so much time together. Calling, texting, going out for dinners—”
“It was work! We’re friends! We write songs together, perform together—”
“Can I see your phone?”
My grip tightened on the edge of the counter. Not because I had anything to hide…
But because I suddenly wasn’t sure how it would look.
“Seriously?”
She’d never asked to see my phone before. We trusted each other.
She glanced at my phone sitting between us on the kitchen island. “May I?”
I heaved a sigh as I typed in the password and slid it across the counter. My mind was racing when I thought about what she’d find, and how it might look to someone who wasn’t inside my head.
We did talk. A lot. And text. A lot. Sure, we talked about some deeply personal shit, but that’s how great songs got written.
You gave her more than you should have. I buried that thought as soon as it surfaced.
She bit her lip and her hand trembled as she scrolled my phone.
My voice broke when fear rushed through me. “Grace…”
My wife raised her hand to silence me as she continued to read our messages.
I wracked my brain trying to remember the most recent ones. We’d been talking about my time in prison and how it messed me up, but also gave me clarity. We’d also talked about my relationship with Quinn’s mama and how stunned I’d been to learn I was going to be a daddy at nineteen.
“These are really personal,” she whispered, her voice shaking. “Intimate.”
“No.” My gut was churning. “Sweetheart, it’s not like that. I swear to you.” I had flashes of a few hugs. Maybe a peck on Joni’s birthday. But it was totally innocent. Between friends.
“You shared with her things you shared with me in the beginning of our relationship,” she said, finally looking me in the eye. “Those were secrets I’d take to the grave, because I’d never want to betray your trust.” She gestured to my phone. “But you didn’t even think about breaking my trust, did you?”
“Breaking your trust?” I demanded. “What the hell are we even talking about right now?”
None of this felt real. Like I’d somehow stepped into someone else’s life—and screwed it up.
This morning, I’d woken up with my wife in my arms. Made love to her. Now she wouldn’t even let me touch her because she claimed a woman I considered a good friend was in love with me?
“You didn’t even tell me you were nominated for that award.”
“What?”
She flashed my phone at me. “Yesterday, in your text you said to her, I just found out I was nominated…” She shook her head. “You didn’t even tell me.”
Shit. It was my first big country music nomination. I’d been excited. And I’d wanted to tell Grace when I got home. But I’d been tired and— goddamn, this wasn’t helping.
“I was going to tell you—”
“After you told her?” That one question was so loaded I was surprised it didn’t detonate.
“You were with clients all day yesterday. I couldn’t—”
“You’re making excuses. I have a lunch break.”
I sucked in a breath. “I wanted to tell you when I got home. I was really excited and wanted to tell you face-to-face—”
“You threatened to beat up her ex-boyfriend if he didn’t leave her alone?”
Jesus, was Joni trying to destroy my marriage by telling my wife everything I’d ever said and done?
“The guy’s a dirtbag. He wouldn’t stop calling—”
“How is that your business?” she demanded. “Unless you were jealous?”
“What?” I had to grip the edge of the counter because I could have sworn the room suddenly started spinning. “Why the hell would I be jealous?”
“I seemed to recall you doing the same thing when we got together. Warning off my ex—”
“This wasn’t like that.” That guy was a goddamn lawyer who’d wanted to marry Grace and I was so jealous, insecure, and afraid of losing her at the time, I couldn’t think straight.
“You don’t see that as crossing a line?” she asked, shaking her head like I was dense. “That’s the kind of thing a jealous, overprotective boyfriend does, Taz. Not a friend.”
She wasn’t shouting at me. Her voice was quiet, controlled. As I imagined it would be during her therapy sessions with clients. And that scared me even more than the screaming accusations would have.
“You took her out for dinner on her birthday? Bought her a gold necklace?”
I tipped my head back and closed my eyes. I wasn’t a man who prayed, but damn, tonight I was.
“Yeah, you were out of town at a conference, so we grabbed dinner after we left the studio.”
“And the necklace?” she asked, tapping her manicured fingers on the granite countertop.
“It didn’t mean anything. It was just a gift.” Except I hadn’t told my wife about it.
I hadn’t even realized it was her birthday, but when I got to the studio that day and our producer clued me in, I ran to the jewelry store next door at lunch and got her a necklace with her initial that I thought she might like.
“If another man bought me a piece of jewelry for my birthday and took me out for dinner while you were on tour… and I conveniently forgot to mention it to you, would you think it was a big deal? Even if I swore we were just friends?”
I stared at her. Imagining the scene she’d described.
I couldn’t respond. My chest locked so tight air felt out of reach.
I’d lose my mind if another guy took my wife out for her birthday, bought her a piece of jewelry—and she hadn’t told me.
I remembered giving Joni that gift. The way she’d reacted. That hug that lasted a little too long, in hindsight. The way she’d held on.
Guilt twisted hard in my gut. Because the truth was…
I hadn’t meant to cross any lines.
But I had.
Chapter Two
Grace
Quinn walked into the master bedroom and stood in the doorway, watching me pack a suitcase.
Though we’d gotten off to a rocky start, I’d come to love Taz’s daughter as my own.
I glanced at her when she said, “Hey,” leaning her head against the doorframe. “What’s going on? I heard Dad freaking out earlier.”
She couldn’t say she’d heard us arguing.
Taz had raised his voice while I’d remained calm.
Too calm.
The kind of calm that meant something inside of me had already snapped.
I bit my lip as I zipped the suitcase. “I’m just going to stay with Mav and Codie for a bit.”
“He must have really screwed up this time, huh?”
I didn’t want to drag her into our mess.
“It’s not that, honey. We don’t agree on what counts as betrayal.”
“Betrayal?” She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. When I didn’t respond right away, she sighed. “Come on, Grace. I’m almost eighteen. I’m not a kid anymore.”
“I know.” I curled my hand around the bedframe, weighing my words. I wanted Taz to decide what he chose to tell her about our problems, if anything. “He crossed a line he can’t uncross.”
She was wide-eyed when she said, “Shit, that sounds serious.”
Any other time I would have given her the warning look about bad language, but tonight I was too emotionally depleted to care.
“I just need some time to think, sweetie. And I’m sure your dad does too.”
Taz didn’t process things the way I did though. He usually yelled. Melted down. Hit the heavy bag. Or went for a long drive. I assumed, when he stormed out of the house and jumped in his truck, he’d opted for the latter tonight.
“But you have to leave the house to do that?” she asked, frowning. “Why?”
“I just process better when I’m alone, that’s all.”
“But you won’t be alone at Mav and Codie’s.”
She was right. They also had a baby, but a little cuddle time with my nephew might be just the distraction I needed.
“True, but I will be away from your dad. And I…” I set my suitcase on the ground. “I need that now. To figure things out.”
“It looks like you’re packing for a long stay,” she said, gesturing to the suitcase.
We shared a look and I said, “I have a lot to process.”
“Look Grace, I know dad can be a lot, but he loves you.” Her expression was grim. “Like I didn’t even know love like that was a thing until I saw you guys together.”
Quinn had grown up with her mom, who’d had a steady stream of men in and out of her life.
“We still love each other,” I admitted. “That’s not the problem.” Even if my marriage ended now, a part of me would probably always love Taz.
“Then what is the problem?”
I knew there was only one answer. “I’m not sure I can trust him anymore.”
She gaped at me. “You’re not saying Dad cheated on you.” She shook her head. “No way, I don’t believe that. He wouldn’t do that.”
I squeezed her hand as I passed, dropping a kiss on her forehead. “There’s more than one way to cheat, Quinn.”
***
Mav had made himself scarce so I could unload on my sister. But I didn’t feel like talking. I just wanted to hold my nephew, Chance, and process what the hell had happened to my life in the past twenty-four hours.
A couple of days ago I’d been happily married to the love of my life, trying to have a baby, and now it felt like I was married to a stranger. A version of Taz I didn’t even know existed.
“I know this is crazy, Little,” Codie said, tucking her legs under her. “But if there’s one thing I know for sure it’s that Taz loves you.”
Little. My sister’s childhood nickname still made me smile, even during moments like these, when it felt like my life was falling apart.
My cell phone buzzed on the ottoman. Third missed call from Taz. There’d been half a dozen unread texts too.
I flipped the phone over.
If I heard his voice right now… I might break.
And I couldn’t afford to break. Not yet.
“I’m not questioning whether he loves me,” I said, kissing the top of Chance’s head as I patted his back, trying to lull him to sleep. “I know he does. But sis, I read the texts. He gave parts of himself to her that he’d only ever shared with me.”
She winced. “I know that must be hard—”
“It’s devastating.” I blinked back tears and cleared my throat. “He was intimate with her. He may not have shared his body with her. But he shared everything else. And isn’t that just as bad? Maybe worse.”
Codie nodded. “Yeah, I hear what you’re saying. If my husband did that, I’d probably have to castrate him.”
We shared a smirk, because I had no doubt my badass big sister would do just that.
“I sit across from people destroyed by this every day,” I said, closing my eyes. “Just never thought I’d be one of them.”
“Do people usually get through it?” Codie asked, pushing her long dark hair off her face.
“Some do. Some don’t.” I had no idea which camp we would fall into.
“Do you want to work this out with him?” she asked. “I mean, therapy is kind of your thing, hon. Don’t you think you should at least try that with Taz before you decide to—”
End your marriage.
She didn’t have to say the words. They were already echoing in the large room.
“Part of me wants to fix this. The other part doesn’t know if I can ever look at him the same way again.”
Mav walked in and gave me a fierce look. “Your husband has become one of my best friends, but I swear, I want to go over there and kick his ass right now.”
I tried to smile, but failed. “I love you, Mav.” He’d become like my big brother, and I knew he’d make good on his threat if I let him. “But that wouldn’t solve anything.”
And my husband was a big guy who’d done twelve years in prison, so it could only end with a lot of bloodshed.
“Might send the dumbass a message,” Mav said, between clenched teeth. “I can’t believe he would do this!”
Codie raised her hand to her lips to quiet her husband, while pointing at their drowsy son.
Mav’s voice was softer, but still had a hard edge when he said, “He worships you. Or at least… I thought he did.”
“Mav,” I said, softly. “You’re not helping.”
He sighed. “Sorry.” After a beat he asked, “So, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet.” I side-eyed my sister. “A lot will depend on Taz, I guess.”
Our marriage wasn’t just cracked.
It was shattered.
And I wasn’t even sure I wanted to pick up the pieces.
Chapter Three
Taz
I was pounding on Joni’s door, half out of my mind because my wife wouldn’t answer my calls or respond to my texts.
“What the hell?” I shouted when she finally opened the door, wearing a short grey bathrobe. “Are you trying to ruin my life… telling Marisa you’re in love with me?”
She sighed before tucking a lock of auburn hair behind her ear and taking a step back. “Figured I’d be hearing from you.”
When she closed the door, I spread my hands, fighting a losing battle with my temper. “Why would you—”
“Tell the truth?” Her green eyes flashed with challenge when she said, “One of us had to, Taz.”
I circled my temple with my finger, “Girl, I don’t know what you’ve been smoking—”
“You can deny it all you want, but there’s something between us.” She crossed her arms. “Something you don’t have with your wife.”
“Listen to me,” I said, between clenched teeth. “My wife… is every goddamn thing that’s good in my life. Without her, I wouldn’t have had the guts to rebuild a relationship with my daughter, pursue this music thing when it got hard—”
“I know the whole story.” She smirked. “But somewhere along the way you let me in, didn’t you?”
“As. A. Friend.”
But even as I said it, something twisted in my gut.
Married men didn’t stay on the phone with another woman until two in the morning.
Didn’t reach out to someone else first.
Didn’t—
Shit.
“We were more than that and you know it,” Joni said, softly.
I raked my hands through my hair, feeling the thud of my heart reminding me this was real. It wasn’t a nightmare I could wake up from.
“You’re delusional if you think—”
“I see the way you look at me when we’re hammering out a song, Taz. Like you’re fighting the urge to kiss me.”
My chest tightened.
Late night in the studio.
Too close. Laughing over a lyric.
She’d gone quiet. Looked at my mouth.
And I hadn’t moved.
I should have. But I didn’t.
“I don’t—”
“You know it’s true.” She gestured to me. “What about the night you told me I deserved a man who wouldn’t walk away when things got hard?”
She held my gaze. “You said it like you were making a promise.”
I raised my hands. “Look, if you think I sent you mixed messages—”
“There were no mixed messages.” She took a step closer, tipping her head back to look me in the eye. “And you don’t look at me like I’m just a friend.”
My jaw ticked and my hands curled into fists at my sides.
“Me and Grace are trying to make a baby,” I said, my voice rough now. “If that doesn’t tell you how committed I am to her and our marriage then—”
“I think you want another baby,” she conceded. “And maybe you think it’ll help your marriage. But it won’t.”
“My marriage didn’t need any help until you started spewing your bullshit and planting seeds of doubt in her mind.”
“Taz, what about all those late-night calls when your wife was out of town at seminars?”
The guilt felt like a gut-punch when I remembered reaching for my phone after midnight, more times than I could count. I’d wanted to call Grace, but I knew it was too late. Joni, on the other hand, was a night owl.
“We just talked—”
“About everything.” The weight of that word landed before she added, “I told you things I’ve never told anyone. And I have a feeling you can say the same.”
No. But I was lying to myself. There were secrets I’d shared with Joni, that I’d been too ashamed to tell my wife. Things I’d heard and witnessed in prison, that still haunted me.
I wanted Grace to forget she’d married an ex-convict and gangbanger who wasn’t good enough for her. I wanted her to see me as the man I was today: a country music artist who had his shit together and could give her the life she deserved.
I tipped my head back, wanting to call her out for lying, but I couldn’t.
“Joni, if you’ve developed feelings for me—”
“I’m in love with you.” When I scowled at her, she said, “What? I’m not afraid to call it what it is, even if you are.”
“This is not love,” I said, clenching my jaw so hard, I thought it might lock. “This is infatuation or—”
“Love doesn’t have to involve sex right away, Taz.” She looked me in the eye, her voice softening. “It can happen during those intimate moments where you laugh together, confide in each other, dream about the future.”
God help me…
I’d done every damn thing she accused me of.
And somehow convinced myself it didn’t count—because I never touched her.
***
I was bone-tired by the time I walked through the door, but as soon as I realized Grace’s keys weren’t in the wood bowl and her purse wasn’t hanging on the hook in the mudroom, fear shot through me.
Where the hell is she?
My daughter, who was getting a snack from the fridge barely looked at me when I asked, “Quinnie, where’s Grace?”
She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Not sure I should tell you.”
“Damn it, kid. I’m not playing.” There was a hard edge to my voice she rarely heard. “Where the hell is she?”
She heaved a dramatic sigh and plopped herself down on a bar stool at the massive kitchen island. “I can’t believe you, Dad.”
My gut clenched when I realized my daughter was turning on me too.
“Don’t you give me a hard time now. I’ve had enough—”
“Why’d you do it?” she asked, biting into an apple. “Like, seriously? Grace is everything.”
Her simple description of Grace hit hard because it was so accurate.
She was everything. My everything.
“I didn’t—”
I was about to say I didn’t do anything wrong. But I had. And I had to start owning that if I expected Grace to forgive me.
“You didn’t… what?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
I reached into the fridge for a bottle of water, but my hand was shaking when I uncapped it. “Look, I messed up, okay? But we’ll work this out.”
“You sure about that?”
Her uncertainty unleashed something dark inside of me. Not just fear. Dread.
“You know something I don’t?” I demanded, narrowing my eyes at her.
“Grace left tonight.” She looked me in the eye, her blue eyes hard. “Packed a suitcase and—”
“Wait! What?” It suddenly felt like there was ice running through my veins. I hadn’t felt like this since they led me away in handcuffs to serve my twelve-year sentence.
Her voice softened when she saw how shaken I was. “She left, Dad.”
“No.” I shook my head, holding on to denial. “She wouldn’t just leave without talking to me first.”
You walked out on her, asshole. She was trying to talk to you… and you left.
“Didn’t really seem like she was in a talkative mood.”
“What did she say?” I could barely draw a breath when I whispered, “She must have said something.”
“She was just talking cheating and betrayal and—”
“Goddammit!” I said, slamming my palm down on the granite countertop. “I didn’t cheat on her! I would never do that!”
Knowingly.
“She told me there are lots of ways to cheat.” She was staring me down when she said, “She’s right, you know.”
“Not you too.” It had taken me a long time to build a relationship with my daughter, and I finally felt like we were on solid ground.
I couldn’t lose her too.
God, I couldn’t lose Grace either.
Her voice was laced with disappointment when she said, “She looked like someone died when she left. What’d you do, Dad?”
I could deflect, tell her it was none of her business… or I could man up.
I chose the latter.
“You know me and Joni are friends.”
She nodded, looking suspicious. “Yeaaaahhhhh. And?”
I rubbed the back of my neck, as the tightness gripped every muscle in my body. “She, uh, has feelings for me, I guess.”
“You guess?” She frowned. “You don’t know—”
“She says she’s in love with me.”
She whistled long and low. “Shit. That’s not good.”
I started pacing again, knowing if I couldn’t work out some of this physical tension I was going to explode. “Joni told Marisa. She said something to Codie—”
“And of course she told her sister. That bitch knew it would get back to Grace if she—”
“Don’t call Joni a bitch, Quinnie. She—”
“You are not defending her, are you?” She gaped at me. “Wow. Is this for real? Do you have a thing for her?”
“No!” If I didn’t calm down my daughter was going to be calling paramedics to revive me. “How can you even ask me that? You know how much I love Grace.”
“Then why did she leave? She thinks you betrayed her, Dad. How?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “You don’t need all the details. Let’s just say, we spent a lot of time together. I can see now that we got a hell of a lot closer than we should have.”
If Grace had been getting that close with another man while I was out on the road, I’d have lost my mind and hunted him down when I got back.
But when it was happening, I didn’t see it. I didn’t feel it. It felt like we were… friends.
Co-workers.
Partners.
The realization slammed me. Because Grace was the only woman who should ever feel like my partner.
And I’d made another woman believe she was.
No wonder my wife felt betrayed.
And I felt sick.
Terrified I’d never earn her forgiveness… and trust again.
Chapter Four
Grace
I could hear their voices as soon as I walked downstairs.
Mav was yelling at Taz, telling him to get lost, that I didn’t want to see him.
He wasn’t wrong. But I could speak for myself.
“Man,” Taz said, getting in his face. “You need to get the hell—”
“Enough,” I snapped, pushing my brother-in-law out of the way. “You two are going to wake the baby.”
“Gracie, you don’t have to talk to him,” Mav said, glaring at his friend.
“Why don’t you mind your goddamn business,” Taz said, pointing at him. “You—”
“Stop,” I repeated, pushing my husband back a step and closing the door behind me.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded. “I haven’t answered your calls or responded to your texts. Can’t you take a hint? I need some time.”
His gaze travelled over my body slowly, reminding me I was on my sister’s front porch in broad daylight wearing a black nightgown that barely covered my ass.
“Time?” he repeated, clenching his jaw. “Time to figure out how to tell me you’re done with me?” He moved in, trying to crowd me against the closed door but I sidestepped him. “Because that can’t happen, Gracie.”
“You don’t get to decide!” I suppressed a growl of frustration and crossed my arms. I hadn’t even had my first caffeine hit of the day yet and he had the nerve to come at me.
“Baby, please,” he said, his voice softening. “You know how much I love you.”
“This isn’t about that.” Why was it so hard for him to understand what he’d done to me… when he chose her? “I don’t even know you.”
He paled, taking a step back. “Don’t say shit like that. No one knows me better than you do.”
“No one?” My voice was dripping with sarcasm when I asked, “You sure about that? I think Joni knows you pretty damn well. Probably better than I do.”
That was the truth that cut the deepest.
He tried reaching for me again, and I raised my hand, warning him off. “Don’t touch me, Taz.”
I couldn’t think straight when his hands were on me, and I really needed to keep a clear head right now.
He closed his eyes before bracing his hand on the door and dropping his head. “I hate that I’ve done this to us. I’m so sorry, but you gotta believe me, I didn’t…”
From now on, every time I looked at my husband, I wouldn’t see the man I thought he was.
I’d always have doubts. Fears. Insecurities. And I wasn’t sure I could live with that.
“You didn’t what?”
“I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong.” He raised a hand before I could argue. “Hindsight is 20/20, babe. I get that now. Seeing it from your perspective, looking back on all the shit that probably was inappropriate…” He winced. “Yeah, I get it now. I was an idiot for letting things get as far as they did.”
Hearing him admit it was almost worse than his denials because it meant he felt it too. Whatever she was feeling, when they didn’t just cross those lines, but erased them.
“I trusted you.” My voice was tight and my control was slipping when I whispered, “After the way my dad left us and my mama, I never thought I’d be able to trust another man. But you let me trust you. How could you do that?”
“Please, sweetheart,” he whispered, sounding desperate. “Don’t do this. I’m nothing like your asshole father. I admit I was out of line, but I never touched her.”
“And you think that makes it okay?”
He shook his head. “No, I know it doesn’t.” He glanced at my hands, probably noting the fact I wasn’t wearing my wedding rings.
“Just tell me how to fix this. I’ll do anything—”
“You can’t fix it.” A flash of pain crossed his face that made my eyes burn with tears. “It’s done, Taz. Now I just have to figure out if I can get past it. And honestly? I don’t know right now.”
He tipped his head back. “You cannot tell me you’re willing to throw our marriage away over one stupid mistake.”
“That’s just it, it wasn’t one mistake.” I spread my arms, no longer caring about the fact I was half-naked for all the dog walkers to see. “We’re not talking about a drunken one-night stand that you can’t remember. We’re talking about months of intimacy—”
“I hear what you’re saying,” he snapped, before sliding his hands down his face.
“Do you?” I looked him in the eye, my throat tight when I asked, “Did you even realize you were giving her the parts of you that used to be mine? The late-night talks, the songs, the way you let her in your head?”
He opened his mouth then closed it. “Shit, I am so sorry, baby—”
“This isn’t getting us anywhere.” I reached for the door. “I need to get ready for work.”
He grabbed me around the waist from behind, burying his face in my neck.
My body betrayed me—leaning into him for half a second—before I went rigid.
“I’m dying here. I can’t lose you.”
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you gave her every reason to fall in love with you.”
His breath hitched.
Too late.
***
I was having drinks with my sister at Jimmy’s bar when she nailed me with a question that made me queasy. “What scares you more, Little? What he did or how much you still want him?”
I reached for my wine, took a sip, and shook my head. “This feels like a trap.”
“If you’re going to tell me you don’t still want him, save your breath. I saw how wrecked you were when you came back in the house this morning.”
“Fine, maybe I do. Yeah, it scares me.” I sank back against the bench seat. “But not as much as…” I shook my head, fighting back tears. “I don’t know how to unsee this, Codie. I don’t know how to look at him and not wonder who else he’s giving pieces of himself to.”
She plucked at her paper napkin with her fingertips. “Yeah, I get why you’d feel that way.”
“But?”
“I’m just wondering, did he change… or are you telling yourself stories that may not be true?”
I gaped at her, then scowled. “Whose side are you on?”
“Yours, always.” She squeezed my hand. “And because I am on your side, I can’t let you give up on your soul mate because he’s thick as a brick sometimes.”
We shared a half-smile before she leaned in and whispered, “I know how hurt you are. And I’m not trying to diminish that. If Mav did that, I’d be furious… and gutted.”
I didn’t need validation. I needed answers.
“Alright, I’ll bite. What kind of stories am I telling myself?”
“That she meant something to him. And maybe she didn’t. Maybe it was totally one-sided, like Taz claims. I’m not saying he’s not an idiot for not setting boundaries, but sometimes we only learn to set boundaries after the mistakes happen.”
Sometimes I hated how easily she could pick me apart.
“Would you be able to forgive Mav?” I asked, almost afraid to hear her answer.
“I’m not sure,” Codie said, choosing her words carefully. “It would depend on whether there was a part of him that knew what he was doing was wrong when he did it.”
I nodded. “How could he not know?”
“What does your gut tell you about your husband? Was he knowingly crossing lines? Or was he innocently being a dumbass?”
I smirked, grateful my sister could always make me feel better, even when I felt broken. “Does it matter?”
She shrugged. “To me it would. A guy who knowingly hurts me won’t get my forgiveness. But one who didn’t mean to…” She hesitated. “I’m not telling you to forgive him, hon. That has to be your choice.”
“But you think I need to dig deeper… to figure out what the hell was going on inside his head when he let this happen?”
“You’re the therapist,” she said, smiling. “Aren’t you supposed to talk shit to death?”
“But I don’t want to talk to him again.”
“Then don’t.”
“But I know I have to…”
I just didn’t know if I was about to save my marriage… or bury it.
Chapter Five
Taz
I knew it was crazy—kind of creepy-stalkerish, even— to wait for my wife in the parking lot of her office building. But I couldn’t help myself.
I’d been replaying our conversation from the day before on a loop.
I hadn’t just hurt Grace. I’d broken her trust.
And I didn’t know how to forgive myself for that.
I jumped out of the truck as soon as I spotted her. She looked incredible in a black wrap dress and high heels. But my stomach dropped when I realized she wasn’t wearing her wedding rings.
Again.
“What the hell are you doing here, Taz?” she demanded, looking around the parking lot.
A good-looking middle-aged guy in black dress pants and a white button-down shirt frowned at us. “Everything okay, Grace?”
Her face transformed… from a scowl for me… to a smile for him. And it pissed me off.
Just a few days ago she’d lit up like that for me.
“Fine, Jeff.” She didn’t even bother explaining who I was before she said, “We’re still on for lunch tomorrow?”
He winked at her. And I seriously considered knocking him out.
“I’m looking forward to it,” he said, before sliding into a black Porsche.
“Who in the hell is that?” I demanded, scowling at his tail lights. “And why are you going out to lunch with him?”
She laughed before reaching into her purse to retrieve her keys. “Like you have a right to ask me that?”
I stepped into her path, barely containing my rage when I said, “Goddammit, Grace. You can’t—” I broke off, the words sounding wrong even to me.
She propped a hand on her hip, and stared me down. “Let me get this straight. It’s okay for you to have friends that you go out to lunch with but not me?”
“Have you been out to lunch with him before?”
She sighed and started walking towards her car.
“Answer me!”
She turned around. “He’s asked me numerous times. I didn’t think it was appropriate, so I said no. Now I realize I can say yes without feeling guilty about it.”
She was making a point. And it was landing.
“Who. Is. He?” I asked, clenching my teeth.
“He’s a cardiologist. Moved in on the top floor a few months ago.”
A cardiologist? FML.
I’d always been a little intimidated by my wife’s brilliance and her advanced degrees, certain she’d eventually realize she could do better. Now I was terrified she had.
Because I’d been stupid enough to open that door for her.
“Are you interested in him?”
She shook her head. “I am not having this conversation with you in the middle of a parking lot.”
“Fine, come home where we’ll have some privacy.”
“I am not coming home.”
She unlocked her car. “But we do need to talk. Maybe this weekend. I’ll text you.”
I watched her drive away.
Lunch.
That’s what I’d told myself.
Christ… I finally got it.
***
Grace had agreed to meet me for coffee. I was already settled into the booth and had ordered for both of us, not wanting to waste any of the thirty minutes she’d given me.
When she walked in, heads turned, and my gut clenched.
I stood, wanting to reach for her, then thought better of it when I read her expression.
She wasn’t cold. She was distant, and somehow that made her feel even more untouchable.
“Thanks for coming,” I said, when she slid into the booth across from me.
She nodded, taking a sip of her French vanilla cappuccino. “Thanks for this. It’s been a day.”
We felt like polite acquaintances, and I hated that. I wanted my wife back.
But first I had to acknowledge how I’d lost her.
“How was your lunch date?” I asked, knowing it was probably a stupid question to lead with, but unable to quash my curiosity.
“It was nice.” She stole a peek at her phone before slipping it into her purse. “Let’s cut to the chase, Taz. I don’t have a lot of time.”
“I get why you were hurt. I would’ve been too.”
She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms on the table, leaning in just a little more. “Go on.”
“I didn’t get it then. But I do now.”
“You didn’t get what?”
“What I was doing to you—to us—when I was getting closer to her.”
“Why were you drawn to her?”
“I could say things to her I was too ashamed to say to you.”
“Her brother had been incarcerated too. It broke her heart. And when we first started talking about it, it hit me hard. Made me think about how my sister must’ve felt when I was locked up.”
“Hmm.” She licked her lips. “Why were you ashamed? You know I don’t judge you or hold your past against you. That’s who you were, not who you are.”
I was twisting my wedding band, and I couldn’t help but notice she wasn’t wearing hers. Again.
“There’s stuff that happened in there, Grace. Dark shit that still haunts me. I didn’t want to get into it with you. Talking to someone about it didn’t seem like a bad idea. Just to get it out.”
“Why not Jasper?”
“Uh, I don’t know. We never really got into that.” And I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
“You could though.” She shrugged. “Go back and see your therapist if you want to work through that stuff.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to—”
She raised her hand. “I’m not asking you to do anything for me. That’s not what this is about. If you feel you need to do that, then do it. Instead of confessing your sins to some woman who—” She released a slow breath. “Never mind, we’re getting off track. You were saying?”
“Um, I was telling you how things started with Joni.” I winced, hating the way that sounded. “That’s how… our friendship deepened, I guess. I started telling her shit I hadn’t told anyone else.”
Her eyes darkened. “You gave yourself to her… in a way you couldn’t with me. Do you know what that does to me?”
“Please try to understand,” I whispered, reaching for her hand.
She pulled back before I could touch her.
“Judging by what you’re telling me, we don’t work. Because you can’t be honest with me. About everything.”
“When we met, you felt…untouchable. Too beautiful. Too smart. Too good for me.”
“Taz, stop—”
“I’m serious,” I said. “You want the truth? Then let me say it.”
She sat back, crossed her arms, and stared at me. “Fine, I’m listening.”
“I kept waiting for you to come to your senses and realize you were too good for me—”
“So, what? You thought you’d have Joni as your Plan B, in case that happened?”
“No!” I closed my eyes when a few diners turned our way.
“That’s just it. I was never attracted to Joni like that. She was someone I could talk to, confide in. After twelve years of keeping shit bottled up… it felt good to get some of it out.”
“I just hate that you felt you couldn’t talk to me—”
“I didn’t know how to talk to you about it… because I felt I had to be someone else with you.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s not what you did. It’s who you are.” I slid my hand over my beard. “You made me want to be a better man. So that’s who I tried to be with you. Every day. And after a while… keeping the worst parts of myself buried got exhausting.”
Her expression softened for a split second before it hardened again. “I never asked you—”
“It’s not about what you wanted. It’s what I expected of myself, because I thought that’s what you deserved.”
“I fell in love with you because of who you are, Taz. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Not who you pretend to be. And you never had to pretend with me.”
“I get that now.” If I could go back, I’d share everything with Grace that I’d shared with Joni. But that would take time, and I wasn’t sure she was willing to give me that anymore.
She rubbed her forehead. “I thought things were so good between us. I just don’t understand how we got here.”
“I didn’t either. But I do now. I was trying to be something I wasn’t for you. Trying to be the best husband, father, musician… and I met someone who made it easy to talk about the struggle.”
“And you fell for her.”
“No!” I lowered my voice. “I didn’t fall for her. I didn’t want her. She was just a sounding board, and I was the same for her. We were both trying to survive in a crazy business, and somewhere along the way, I let that turn into something it never should’ve become.”
“And she fell in love with you.”
I grimaced. “Yeah, I didn’t see that coming.”
She shook her head. “You know what? I can’t even blame her. I fell in love with the parts of yourself that you were willing to give me. You gave it all to her. How could she not have fallen in love with you?”
“God, don’t say it like that.”
“Do you care about her?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I do care about her. As a friend.”
She went still.
I lifted a hand. “I know that friendship has to end. It will. But I can’t pretend to stop caring about her overnight just because I know I should.”
She glared at me. “No, I guess you can’t.”
I swallowed when she reached for her purse. “Can we talk again… soon?”
She pinched her lips together and said, “I have some thinking to do, Taz. I’ll be in touch.”
I watched her walk out of the restaurant before dropping my head into my hands.
I finally understood what I’d done.
And it might have cost me everything.
Chapter Six
Grace
I was folding the baby’s laundry when my sister walked into the living room. “Oh thanks, I was going to get that in a bit.”
“No problem.”
She sat on the couch, watching me. “How was your lunch date with the doctor… and coffee with Taz?”
I rolled my eyes. “You know the lunch wasn’t a big deal.”
“Yeah, but your talk with Taz was.”
“Yeah, it was.” I’d been able to think about little else since.
“So, don’t keep me in suspense! How did it go?”
“It was… interesting.”
She groaned. “That tells me nothing.”
I smirked before sitting next to her and tucking my legs under me. “He basically said he’d shared things with her he was ashamed to share with me. It sounds like she was his safe place to unload.”
Codie winced. “Ouch, that’s gotta hurt.”
“It did.” I shook my head, slowly. “It does. But I kind of get it too. Taz was in prison a long time. Before that he was running with gangs, using drugs—”
“Kind of hard to imagine now, isn’t it?” Codie tugged on a lock of my hair when she stretched her arm along the back of the sofa between us. “The same guy who entertains thousands of screaming fans every night.”
Before he became famous, his social media videos had gone viral for a reason. His songs were haunting. And chilling. He laid himself bare for strangers. But why not for me?
“Yeah. But his scars run deep, sis. I didn’t even realize how deep until our talk.”
“What do you mean?”
“He made it seem like there was stuff he had to get out. So, he told Joni.”
“I call bullshit,” Codie said, shaking her head in disgust. “He could have chosen you. Or a therapist. He didn’t have to turn to her.”
“You’re right, he didn’t have to. But he did.”
It hurt to think he needed someone. And chose someone else.
She curled her hand around my knee. “So, what now? Where do you guys go from here?”
“I wish I knew.” I could fix everyone else’s marriage. Just not my own.
“You still want to be with him? Or are you afraid you can’t trust him anymore?”
“I can’t imagine not wanting to be with Taz. I love him.” The kind of love that wouldn’t go away—even if we divorced. “But, can I trust him?”
She looked me in the eye and tapped her chest. “You know, Little. Even if you think you don’t, you do.”
She got up and kissed my forehead. “I have to go and give Chance a bath. But if you need to talk later, I’m here.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, watching her walk away.
If my heart knew… why wasn’t it telling me?
***
I was standing on Taz’s—our— doorstep, wearing pyjama bottoms and a tank top because I cared more about getting answers than looking presentable.
My eyes were probably still swollen from crying. My throat was raw.
Still, I texted to tell him I was coming over. I was done being polite and detached. My marriage was on the line. And it was time to decide if it was worth fighting for.
“Hey.” He looked nervous when he opened the door and gave me a quick once over before stepping back.
“Quinn here?”
“Uh no, she’s spending the night at a friend’s.”
I turned to face him. “I thought about everything you said. And I’m pissed at you!”
He took a step back, obviously surprised by my outburst. “Okay.”
I pointed a finger in his chest. “You don’t get to decide the version of you I get! When you married me, you promised to give me all of you! Now I find out you’ve been holding out on me.” My voice softened just a little when I said, “That’s a really shitty thing to do, Taz. I told you everything. All my secrets, the fears I still had because my dad left—”
“I know, you’re right.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t love you anymore if you told me everything?”
He tipped his head back and I could tell he was struggling. “Yeah, I guess.” He swiped a hand over his face. “Or maybe it was just… when someone tells you something really messed up about themselves, it changes the way you see them. Forever. I couldn’t risk that.”
“Well, if you still can’t risk it, then we have nothing left to talk about.”
He grabbed my wrist, looking panic-stricken when I reached for the door. “Shit, baby. Don’t go. I said it would be hard to tell you everything, not that I wouldn’t.”
I sighed. “Look, people are entitled to secrets from their past. I get that. You’re not obligated to tell me everything you’re ashamed of.” I crossed my arms, tipping my head back to look at him. “But you don’t get to share that with another woman. Not if you still want me to be your wife.”
He paused a beat before nodding. “If I can’t share it with you, it stays in the vault. Or comes out only in a therapist’s office. I promise.”
I realized I trusted his promise. But did that mean I still trusted him?
I turned away from him, and started pacing the huge open space between the kitchen and living area. “I’ve considered all my options. Coming back and trying to make it work. Divorcing you. A trial separation with counselling.” I sighed. “And I still don’t have the right answer.”
His voice was rough when he said, “I know which one I vote for.”
“What’ll change if I do come back?” I demanded. “If we do try to make this work?”
“I’ve changed,” he said, looking me in the eye. “The guy you left is a different guy than the one you’d be coming back to.”
I frowned. “People don’t change that quickly, Taz.”
“Really?” He spread his hands. “I made mistakes I didn’t even know I was making at the time. Now I get it. So, I can do better.”
He made it sound so simple. But in my experience, change was gruelling and gut-wrenching.
“Grace, I hate that I hurt you. But if this hadn’t happened, I would’ve still been clueless. Now I see what I need to do. The man I need to be—”
“Damn it, this is not about being the man you think you need to be for me. I don’t want the perfect version of you. I want the messy, flawed, imperfect, half-crazy version of you I fell in love with.”
“I can promise you that guy’s still in here,” he said, tapping his chest. “I battle him every damn day.”
“So quit fighting it.” I took a step closer. Big mistake. I couldn’t be in Taz’s space without wanting to touch him. “Show me the messy.” My voice was soft, my gaze dipping to his parted lips. “The flawed and imperfect.” I whispered, “And I kind of miss the crazy.”
He chuckled. “I wish you’d told me that before. I try to keep the crazy on a tight leash these days.”
“You don’t have to be that guy all the time,” I said, hoping if he remembered nothing else I said to him tonight, he would hold on this. “The one your record label created. With me, you can be someone else.”
He moved his hand to my hip, and I could tell he was holding his breath waiting to see if I would push him away.
I didn’t.
“You can get pissed off when you’re with me. Be that hothead you were when I first met you.” The same guy who’d enticed me into what was supposed to be my very first one-night stand. “Yell. Scream. Swear. Let it all out.”
His head dipped and my self-control was on a thin tether.
“You don’t think I feel it,” I whispered. “How guarded you’ve become with me? Even when we make love.”
“Baby, I don’t wanna act like an animal. You’re my wife—”
“It was different when we were dating?” I asked, shaking my head in confusion. “Why? You claimed you loved me then. But you were… different.”
“I didn’t know sex could be… the way it is with you. Honestly, most of the time, I want to take my time…” His fingertips skimmed up my arm and I shivered. “Enjoy every second, every inch of you. I don’t want to rush a damn thing.”
I tried to remember how to breathe, but he didn’t make it easy.
Knowing I had to rein it in if I didn’t want this night to end in our bed, with nothing resolved, I took a step back.
“I know you’re trying to be responsible, after so many years of feeling like you screwed everything up—”
“I did screw everything up, Gracie. I was locked up. Couldn’t be a father to my daughter—”
I touched my fingertip against his lip. “She forgives you. Your parents forgive you. Your sister forgives you. Now you need to forgive yourself.”
He sighed. “I know, I’m working on it.”
“My point is, you don’t have to be the perfect husband or father. Hell, you don’t even have to be the perfect musician or role model. People love ugly. It’s relatable.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You also don’t have to be an open book, unless you want to.”
His gaze lingered on mine before he said, “With you, I want to. Only with you. I want to give you the parts of myself I haven’t shared with anyone. If you’ll let me?”
I couldn’t give him an answer tonight. But I felt better, like maybe I had some of the answers I came for.
“I have to go.”
There was a flash of disappointment in his eyes before he flashed a smile. “You know I’ll be waiting.”
When I walked out, I still wasn’t sure if I was coming home… or leaving for good.
Chapter Seven
Taz
I was in the studio, feeling raw after knocking out a song about my marriage falling apart.
Joni walked in and our eyes collided. I swore softly, torn between bailing and saying what needed to be said.
“Hey, Taz.” She set her purse down and slipped her phone into the back pocket of her jeans. “How’s it going?”
“Okay.” There was an undercurrent of tension. We both felt it. “So, we obviously need to talk.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I guess we do.”
“I know I came at you last time we talked.” I tapped my hand against my chest. “I shouldn’t have. This is on me. I’m married. You’re not.”
Her expression was somber when she said, “Does that mean you’re acknowledging there’s something between us?”
“I’m admitting,” I said slowly. “That I crossed lines with you I had no business crossing.”
She sighed. “Give yourself a break. It’s not like you ever touched me.” She smirked. “Though I kept hoping you would.”
I frowned at her. “This isn’t funny, Joni. My stupidity may have cost me my marriage.”
“You can’t tell me Dr. Perfect is going to leave you just because—”
“Hey.” I glared at her, holding up one finger in warning. “Don’t shit-talk my wife.”
She pursed her lips. “Fine, but you know you can’t go on being perfect, just to please her.”
“You’re right. And she’s not asking me to.”
I’d been thinking about that a lot since Grace left last night. She’d fallen in love with the messed-up, irrational, scared shitless version of me. So why the hell I’d ever thought I had to be perfect for her, was still a bit of a mystery to me.
“So, that’s it? You just walk away?”
“I like you, Joni.” I looked her in the eye. “We made some great music together. But I crossed lines with you that I can’t uncross. I gave parts of myself to you that belonged to my wife. Now I need to figure out how to fix that.”
She nodded. “I can respect that, I guess.”
“Grace is it for me. If not for her—” I didn’t want to think about the guy I’d be.
“Why did you come to me then?”
“It was easier than going to my wife. And I can’t choose easy anymore. It’s cost me too much.”
“So, I was easy?” She frowned. “Thanks a lot.”
“I didn’t mean that. I appreciate you listening.” The truth hit me hard when I said, “Even when I should have kept my mouth shut.”
“I hope she realizes how lucky she is.”
I pushed off the swivel chair and snagged my phone. “I’m the lucky one. And if she’ll give me another chance, I intend to make sure she doesn’t regret it.”
But that second chance, and my entire life, still felt like it was up for grabs.
***
Grace texted me late that night and suggested we meet in my home studio after asking if Quinn was home. She said we’d need some privacy to talk, and that had me tied up in knots.
I cursed when her car pulled up in front of my detached studio and I dropped my phone because my hand was shaking.
She jumped out of her late model Mercedes SUV and it felt like a gut punch. Short denim shorts, a low-cut t-shirt and flip flops. Just like the first night I’d met her.
I closed my eyes, sent a silent prayer up, and yelled, “Come in,” when she knocked.
“Hey.”
Her expression was neutral, but when she dropped her purse on the couch with a heavy sigh, my stomach took a nosedive.
“Hey.”
We stared at each other for a beat before she said, “I’ve been thinking a lot about us, and what happened.”
There was so much I wanted to say, but I kept my mouth shut, waiting for her to continue.
“There’s a lot I still don’t understand. Questions I have. Details I need.”
My throat was dry when I said, “Okay.”
“You said you never… touched her? I mean—”
“I know what you mean.” I raised my right hand. “I swear to you on Quinn’s life, Grace.”
She nodded. “I believe you.”
I watched her wander around the studio, checking out framed photos of me with famous friends. I was dying. I just needed… words right now.
“You were never even tempted?” she asked, turning to face me again.
“Not. Even. Once.”
“The things you told her, that you didn’t want to tell me…” She seemed hesitant when she asked, “Think you can tell me some of it?”
“Now?” That was a dumb question, but I was already so edgy. Having to spill my guts now might cause me to lose my lunch too.
“If you don’t mind?”
I walked over to the mini-fridge and grabbed myself a beer. “You want anything?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.”
I wasn’t good. I was a goddamn mess.
I took a long pull from the beer, hoping it would steady me. It didn’t.
“So, um, you know I got into drugs and ran with gangs before I got thrown in jail.”
She nodded, curling her arms around her mid-section, like she was steeling herself for whatever might come.
“There was a lot of shit I did that I didn’t get charged for. Stuff I hate myself for, looking back on it now.”
Her expression softened and she took a step closer. “Like what?”
“Beating the shit out of people who didn’t deserve it.” So many of those beatings were savage. Because I was high. And out of control. “Using girls, for sex, who didn’t know the score.”
She took another step closer and curled her hand around my wrist without saying a word.
“Stealing from my folks.” I’d confessed, paid them back and then some, but it was hard to forgive myself for the hurt I’d caused them.
“I did—”
She touched my lips with her fingertips, shaking her head. “You know what? That’s enough for now.”
For now? That gave me hope, that maybe she wasn’t done with my sorry ass, even after all she’d heard. And I’d just scratched the surface.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” she whispered, licking her lips.
I knew unfiltered honesty was the only way forward, so I admitted, “I don’t know how to do this life thing without you, babe. So, I’m hoping like hell you’ll give me another chance. Even though I may not deserve one.”
I swallowed hard. “I don’t want to lose you. I just want a chance to make this right. One day at a time.”
“Taz.”
Hope was slowly fading when I said, “Yeah?”
“You know I love you.”
I dropped my head and fought back the emotion that slammed me. “I think I know what you’re going to say.”
“No, you don’t.” She rolled forward on her toes, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I can’t just forget what happened.”
I rested my forehead against hers, holding her close, knowing it might be the last time she let me touch her. “I know.”
She curled her hands around my face, looking me in the eye, forcing me to look at her. “But I do love you. And I can’t quit on us.”
My heart was beating so hard, her hand drifted down, spreading across my chest.
“It’s going to take a lot of hard work to—”
“I’ll do anything,” I whispered, fiercely. “Just name it.”
“We have to start communicating better.”
I nodded. “You’re right.”
“If something’s bothering you, I have to be the person you talk to about it. If not me, Jasper, or—”
“I promise.”
She kissed me gently.
And for a second, I just held her there… letting it sink in.
That she was still mine. That we still had a shot.
“And I’m not saying I have a problem with you having female friends. Obviously, in your business that’s a given, but—”
“I know where the boundaries are now, baby. I swear to you.” I thought of her lunch date with the doctor, and had to ask, “Um, those boundaries go both ways, right?”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I know you have a lot of guy friends too. And I’m cool with that—”
“But?”
“The intimate stuff, we need to share only with each other, right? I mean I know you probably share things with your girlfriends that—”
“We’ll figure this out,” she whispered. “We’ll have these discussions, because we do need to set some ground rules. But right now?”
She kissed me and I was so relieved my knees almost buckled.
One taste lit a fuse and I was backing her up against the wall, tearing at her clothes.
She laughed, tipping her neck back so I could kiss it. “Hmm, that’s the kind of crazy I was talking about.”
I held her like I’d almost lost her… and would never forget what that felt like.
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Continue the Series
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